wordsworth

Sending this out to you Ellen! It’s got it all. Wheels. Masks. And an "angel" picking up the pieces of a Sad Story.

 "Sad Story (Out Of Luck)"

A sad story.

Might find it boring.

 

Lost his mum to a drug named heroin.

Father’s gone.

So, grandma’s left with everything –

two grandkids and a daughter’s coffin.

 

I never really knew him when he was growing up.

But I assumed that it was a little fucked –

no parents for him to look up to –

just a brother whom I knew was a dodgy fuck.

 

Shit!

I used to think he was a dick –

tried too hard to fit,

and never grew out of it

 

Now he don’t talk too much, talk too much

He’s probably given up, given up

I think he’s had enough, had enough

Cause he ran out of luck, out of luck

 

Never left his home town.

That’s what probably did it.

Never saw the other worlds;

he didn’t want to go and get it.

Occupied by fitting in where minds are small,

where small things

make the small kids feel so tall.

 

Will he ever change?

 

Well, apparently

He reapplied for college and was waiting for his grades.

It wouldn’t help his case…

Oh, I couldn’t ever say.

 

Now he don’t talk too much, talk too much

He’s probably given up, given up

I think he’s had enough, had enough

Cause he ran out of luck, out of luck

 

But, wait, my life’s out!

A night out!

Brothers in town.

Sum the doubt:

a few fights now; kicked out clubs…

 

Shit!

The suns up!

 

One look’s all it took

for his girl to cuss another.

 

Dudes being dudes,

they blow at the chest –

to impress these breasts

that’d just started this mess.

 

They must protect the damsel in distress?!

So, other girl’s man decides to clench his fists.

 

And then, he threw and missed.

Brother’s hit.

As did his –

dropped him quick.

Then one kick

to the head…

Oh, shit!

Other man is dead.

 

Now he don’t talk too much, talk too much

He’s probably given up, given up

I think he’s had enough, had enough

Cause he ran out of luck, out of luck

 

And now he’s locked away –

21 years of age.

 

How many lives must go to waste –

fathers’ graves –

until I see some fucking change?

 

Oh!

And I don’t even know why.

We can change it too!

Find one another now!

I want another life!

 

Now he don’t talk too much, talk too much

He’s probably given up, given up

I think he’s had enough, had enough

Cause he ran out of luck, out of luck

You who are on the road
must have a code
that you can live by
and so become yourself…
because… the past is just a good-bye.

Teach your children well:
their father’s hell did slowly go by,
and feed them on your dreams.
The one they pick’s the one you’ll know by.

Don’t you ever ask them why.
If they told you, you will cry,
So, just look at them and sigh,
and know they love you.

And you, of tender years,
can’t know the fears that your elders grew by.
And so, please help them with your youth;
they seek the truth before they can die.

Teach your parents well.
Their children’s hell will slowly go by.
And feed them on your dreams.
The one they pick’s the one you’ll know by.
Don’t you ever ask them why.
If they told you, you will cry,
So, just look at them and sigh,
and know they love you.

There are alot of things I’ll do just to be like Ellen. I’ll wear a goofy hat. I’ll wear sunglasses. I’ll wear white socks and black shoes. I’ll even shift my weight from one hip to another, all the while maintaining a tight lipped, expressionless, super-spy, poker face. BUT – you’ll never, never see me in a bikini!

Hey. I’ve been remembering this one moment over and over.

 

I was there with you and your mom in the parking garage

beneath the tons of concrete and steel that hold together 

Ocean View

and you were saying good-bye to your mom 

as she got into the passenger seat

of the truck I would be driving

away from everywhere you are

and your eyes were tracking your friends

as they walked away from us

absorbed in themselves

and heading to where ever 

the fun would take you together

and

 

I

inhaled slowly

deliberately

focusing on the air

expanding my nostrils

filling my belly

and I surrendered 

to the loss 

of you

again

and reached

for the door handle

of the truck I would be driving

away from …

 

and then

I heard you say

"Hey, Dad!"

and 

I saw you

moving toward me

arms outstretched

and mouth embracing

the words

"I want a hug."

 

I’ve got a rainbow ’round my shoulders, and the sky is blue above, and I’m shouting so the world will know … 

 When gratitude runs dry it is still possible to give what counts – trust, transparency, sincerity.

Found a bird dead this morning.

I was opening the feed-door and noticed the water and food looked liked they hadn’t been touched.

They hadn’t.

Mystery.

NetFlix has a show you’d like. Imagine The Doctor crippled and imprisoned in a hospital on earth and forced to treat patients he doesn’t like.

He says things like, "Fumigation of the vagina. That was Galen’s treatment for schizophrenia!"

Right up your alley, Ellie.

This math class did not go that bad. I was able to understand it some more so that is good. This class was about derivatives, which seem to be parts of math that are not terribly difficult. The teacher described that different types as two different “flavors,” specific formulas and general formulas. The general formals seem a bit abstract. But the specific formulas seem to be a bit easier. That is because they have a known formula to follow, I think, or at least they have a certain outcome. Apparently you need both of these types of formulas for polynomials so I guess I will be dealing with all of them eventually.

There are a bunch of things with trigonometry. I do not really like trig. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I did not like geometry I think. Something with the “try” at the end of those two words. It just seems to spell doom. Some of the formulas can be a bit confusing. The class had a really weird moment though when the teacher was explaining a property of Sin(a+b). The teacher said it was one thing and then a bunch of the students said that he was wrong. Then the teacher changed it and I knew that it was wrong. It just seemed wrong. And then a bunch more students protested so the teacher changed it back. He said that the first way was the right way. The most annoying part was that teacher seemed like he did not know which one was the right equation. Sometimes it is easy to tell when the teacher is asking a question where they know the answer and they are just testing you. But in this case I was really concerned that the teacher did not know what he was talking about. It was one of those weird “ya I was totally testing you” times when you really do not know what you are talking about and want to make people think you are.  But I guess that the teacher really did know what he was talking about? I am not sure. But eventually he got it right? I guess. It was kind of hard to tell.

Either way we moved on but he did the same thing when he came to the extended equation for a cosine function. It was just really bazar. I did not like it at all. Made me loose a bit of my confidence in his ability to teach. Other than that the videos are going well. I am hopefully able to grasp some of the information better with this new material. This section also has the videos with the teaching assistances so those will be helpfully if I start to loose understanding.  I am pretty interested in the way the next videos will go. For some reason it feels like there are not that many left but I think that is because I am getting done with part A when there is still part B left.