wordsworth

D: Arrived yesterday. I’ll drop it by your Dad’s office on my way in to work tomorrow. J

David:

To share brings intimacy. Not to share brings loneliness.

A simplification. I know. I know that I can’t just share anything and expect intimacy to follow…but keeping the thought simple reminds me that sharing is one thing I need to do to step on the path of intimacy with you.

Two things in particular happened over these past weeks that brought the fact that I don’t share with you square before my eyes.

They were two posts from you. Posts that shared what you were thinking about, wondering about. Too, you shared that you wanted to know what I was thinking about in regards to these topics, so you asked me.

The first was about the Injunction (the Thank You post). I too, had been thinking about these things the week prior to your post, yet I kept my thoughts to myself…your post made it easy for me to think that keeping thoughts to myself is ok (recent realization)…because eventually someone (in this instance you) will eventually bring up the topic…now I know that my thought is related to fear…fear of intimacy.

The second was when you asked…or stated…that I hadn’t admitted just how much work there was to do around here…and wouldn’t a condo be lovely! These thoughts, too, I had just days before your post…I vividly remember walking down the path outside the back door, from the back yard to the front, and saying to myself…man, there is a lot to do around here…between the pool, the fire ants, the yard, the dishes, the birds…laundry, cooking, cleaning, Ellen, the duplex, shopping, the computer, work, meetings, program work, the breaks…the fixes, etc. I knew you did a lot and I knew I did a lot…but doing more of it all made the daydream of a condo seem worth looking into. Then you posted about the very same thing.

So, what have I learned: I hold myself hostage by not sharing, and I don’t offer an opportunity for intimacy.

So, what can I do about it: Share. Share my thoughts, feelings…share when the thoughts are still young and fresh…seedlings ready to grow tendrils…tendrils that reach toward intimacy and gently grab hold.

Jen