<
Posted on Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009 at 8:53 pmDavid: I’d like to give the BIP homework another go this week…what is the topic? Also I had a question about the less-than thought…is this a thought I have about myself or to another…or, can it be either? Would like to write more…but, tonight is bird prep night for me and I’m getting a late start…met with my sponsor for a light dinner at Infusion Tea…then stopped back by the hospital to read to my Dad for a bit, but my Mom had taken the book home in preparation for my Dad being moved to in-patient rehab, so I visited awhile then came home. Ellen and crew were down at the Cocoa Pier earlier tonight listening to a reggae DJ…reminded me of when I lived in West Palm Beach…my friend Jo and I would go to this place in Lantana…right on the ocean and listen – and dance the night away – to great reggae bands…the doors and windows would be wide open to the sights and sounds of the sea.
Good night, Jen
Ellen is here with me…painting her room.
Where are you going to church?
Jen
Jen: You’ve had a good night’s sleep. I can tell. And some very strong coffee. I can tell that, too. I may post again before I go to church. I’ve got to run now and check the birds.
As Ellen’s mother, you might know the answer to this question – Where is She? David
Good morning David,
This requires intervention. Fast. Precise. Leave no advice behind…intervention!
And I am just the person to provide you with this service:
1. Avoid resentment at all costs!
2. The power struggle among the No Abuse staff has nothing to do with you.
3. Accept that No Abuse staff doesn’t want the forms. Still, let the appropriate person know the forms are ready whenever they might like them and be clear about the cost to them once they do.
4. Ask permission to offer the forms to any newcomer, then have several disks and printouts ready at each meeting.
5. Know that you did a good thing for yourself, and me, by creating the fill in form.
6. Move on.
Well…lucky for you, the keyboard at the “big” computer ran out of batteries this morning as my first response to you was much more mamby bamby…ya da ya da …Offer to show them how to use the forms…show them just how much easier there life will be…ya da ya da…but then the keyboard quit…I finished making my coffee and I was reminded what my sponsor told me as we were talking about Resentments (the section I’m on in Blueprint for Progress). She asked: “Do you still have energy around it?” Now, whoa and howdy…don’t stop reading here…not the kind of ooohhhhh aaahhhh ooohhhh kind of: do do do do…do do do do..(say those do do’s fast and you’ll get the TV show I’m trying to remember the name of) energy…the energy she was talking about was: Am I waking up with it (the situation/thoughts about it)…Am I carrying it around…am I feeling unsettled…am I angry…am I in hurt…am I building a resentment…if so, it probably means I have some work to do.
Well, I want to get to the BIP homework you posted yesterday.
But first…I must confess…I left out 4 words that would have changed your response to my question completely…they were: in the parking lot. What happened after you joined the group…in the parking lot?
Thanks for reminding me of the importance of clarity…it was a good – knock myself in the head, I can’t believe it – way to jump start my day.
As far as my intervention goes…well, that was fun (yet sincere)…it was fun to put myself out there knowing you will take what you like and leave the rest.
Later,
Jen
Jen, You want to know what happened after I joined the group? I tried to make a sale! What else?! I asked if No Abuse would trade a couple classes for an Acrobat Pro form version of their Equality and Power & Control wheels. It took two weeks to get an answer. And the answer was not just no; Paula, Joyce’s partner, rather than request changes or corrections, just told me my P&C wheel was “no good” because it was missing the outer Male Privledge circle. It was missing the enclosing circle that now appears on my P&C wheel, but it had all the words (save one closing quote). So, I checked-in a few weeks later with some less-than thoughts resulting in a cold sholder for an un-named woman who rejected a good and genuine business proposal. But, Paula knows her clientele; I’ve offered the forms free to anyone in the class, and no one’s asked for them. Silly me. But I did improve them. And this week I’ve decided to put them on a disk with the InDesign and Illustrator files, and give them to No Abuse so that if they want to improve them further they can give the job to a woman … which is what I suspect would make them happy. David
D: What happened after you joined the group? J
David: I just posted the comment that you missed as a separate post…I’m not quite sure how else to respond to your post at the moment. Jen
Oh. Well, Jen, I had no idea Ellen was in Cocoa. And I don’t really know who the crew is. But your rapid digressive diversion from all the details important to a dad – which Ellen did not chose to share by phone with her dad – to your nostalgic reveries of a past you and I did not share is helping to bring my future into focus.
INTIMIDATION is the homework topic this week. That means the format is the Power & Control Wheel. I updated that form last week. The wheel itself had errors that needed to be corrected. And I hoped to change the form so that it would be easier to write more. But, in the end, it isn’t really any easier to write more.
Do you think it’s my imagination, or do you think there’s a reason – a reason I can’t finger – that I feel you are talking “at me” and not “with me”?
A “live” one in BIP this week. That could be why Joyce chose intimidation as the topic.
A new fellow came into class. Short. Heavy. Caramel colored skin. Blue eyes, but blue eyes like the eyes of sled dog, of a husky, icy blue. He wasn’t going to say anything. There was an ongoing investigation he said. He’s lawyer had told him to say nothing. He could talk about things that had happened in the past, but nothing relating to the incident that had brought him to class. Besides, he was a volunteer. He didn’t have to be there. He was there because BIP was a part of the agreement that had been negotiated with DCF. And he wasn’t going to stop telling us how he wasn’t going to tell us all that he would have to tell us to stay in the class.
Joyce read his file. Outloud.
“How did she end up in the hospital?”
“She’s bi-polar.”
Joyce left the room to find some peice of paperwork, not in his file, some peice of paperwork that was going to resolve everything. While she was out Mr. Innocent started in again.
This is just a money machine. I’m in counciling. I’ve seen the ‘wheels’. God isn’t in this. This isn’t right. Look around you. Only one white guy.
“She just finished telling you – no racist, sexist, agist, classist language.” I said that sitting down. But my heart launched into orbit.
But. But. But.
“I know what you’re talking about. But that’s what she said.”
Fortunately, there was a visiting graduate in the room who’d come to see another guy graduate.
“You’re an intelligent guy. I can see that. You’ve got leadership potential … ”
A much better approach.
But he wanted to defend the indefensible.
I’m not being racist. It’s not racist. It just is. The justice system is just after people of color.
“As THE token white guy in the room, I say it’s racist. It’s going to get in your way.”
Joyce was pale when she returned. She seemed pale. She seemed vulverable for the first time.
Afterwards, Mr. Innocent was in the parking lot with the Visting Graduate and the New Graduate. I made a point to join them. And they let me.
So, next Monday should be quite exciting.
David