My BIP Homework #2
Posted on Monday, July 20th, 2009 at 5:07 amWell…the turtles didn’t come to lull me to sleep…maybe now, after I answered the call of my own conscience telling me there was more for me to be honest about…they will come and carry me to dreamland. J
D: Got crickets tonight – PetSmart sells them (.10 a piece)…good to know in a pinch. I did not call the Lazy H Bait today, and to tell you the truth, I can’t remember if I paid him for the last order (4-10-06 $26). It would help me if you could call him tomorrow and place the order and find out if there is a balance due…please confirm when you do and I’ll take care of writing the check(s). Lazy H Bait 863.675.3109. Thanks. Jen
Hi David: Thanks for your reply and “tweaking instructions” of my homework…thank you, too, for sharing yours. A few days ago I opened one of the Equality Wheel form pdfs on the desktop…it was your homework from July 4th weekend…I hadn’t seen it yet and as I read it I was happy to recognize you in your words…the you I hadn’t seen for a while.
Ellen, Sue, my Mom and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie tonight. Sitting in the theater, I missed you…missed you sitting next to me. The movie was good…slower than the others…still a nice pace. Hope you have a chance to see it.
You posted a long post last week…one that I haven’t responded to yet and here, I will only do in part to tell you that I do not intend to ask to extend the Injunction. That long post requires several reads and deserves thought and dedicated time to respond. So as you said…wait without waiting. I’ll get back to it soon.
Jumping around a bit in this reply…want to update you on a couple of other things: My Dad is still in Lucerne Pavilion (ORMC) in the Progressive Care Unit…still on 02 and the bi-pap machine at night. His appetite is really good and he is getting physical therapy. As soon as he works through the residual effects of the pnemonia a bit more, and regains some strength, he’ll move to in-patient rehab. The goal is to have him leave Lucerne Pavilion walking – though this will most likely be with a walker. I’m reading a story to him called The Great Impersonation by E. Phillips Oppenheim…it’s a story of espionage set just prior to World War 1 and even has a Hungarian Princess in it…a woman consumed with the passion for one of the characters – a german named Raganheim who is pretending to be an Englishman named Dominey. I’ts been a nice thing to do with my Dad.
Ellen has been invited to Cocoa Beach to stay with Mattie and her Mom and step-Dad, John, for a couple of nights. Mattie’s friend Kristen and her family were there this weekend and I believe Kristen may be staying, too. I’m planning to drive her over tomorrow night, possibly with Sue, visit with Marie and John a bit…take a dip in the pool and come home. They will all be coming back Thursday afternoon. They are staying at the Wakulla Suites (wakullasuites.com).
Well, I guess I felt like yaking a bit…but after staying up so late last night, I’m ready to turn in.
I did get several hugs today…from Elle, my Mom and Sue…what about you?
Good night. Jen
Jen: Thank you for sharing an inventory on the Equality Wheel. I didn’t expect that. I really released alot of tension when I discovered you were doing your inventory and not mine. I let myself relax even more when I saw that you were writing about the 12th.
One of the things I am reminded to do in both BIP and at Serenity is to use “I” statements. “I” statements don’t pressure anyone, and offer an internal release. “You” statements do the opposite – they create resistance in others, and create internal resistance. So, there’s a selfless, but also and immediate selfish, purpose in avoiding the second person singular pronoun.
Anyway, I do appreciate your understanding of this and your demonstration of this understanding – thanks for starting with yourself. However …
CHECK IN: Check In must involve a controlling or an abusive incident with the opposite sex that has occurred in the last seven weeks. So, your “check in” is stale by BIP standards and you should look for something more recent. Nevertheless, I liked your second better than your first. Your Action statement is OK. All you need or should do is state what you did. If interrupting is the controlling action, it’s of no consequence what was interrupted or who was interrupted … though this always gets hashed out “on the floor” in BIP. Your second Intent statement was best because it was more direct, there was more ownership. The intent statement would have been better if it had read “To control David”. To say, as you did, “To control David’s anger” shifts the blame for your behavior and attempts to justify it. Too, it always wins in BIP to be clear about what effect on the other was intended – i.e., to silence, to shame, to confuse, etc. A belief statement is a statement of the right you claim to take the action and to pursue the intent. So, rather than “I believe I could control David’s anger” the belief statement would be improved by saying “I believed I had a right to control David”, or “I believe a partner (wife) has a right to control their partner (husband)”.
Anyway, it was never my intent to ask you for anything but help in doing my homework, to ask you to review it before I submit it Monday at 9:30, or review and critique it afterward. So, I’ll post what I turned in today. I realized during class while listening to a couple new guys checking in that my homework was not much of a step forward. In fact, today I got really shook. So, before you get into my homework I’ll tell you that I’m looking at the limits of my responsibility and the limits I can place on expectation.
HOMEWORK: We rarely review homework in class and it’s never returned by the class leader. Joyce reviews it all quickly before class starts and if anything jumps out at her she may address that. What she has told us about anger that I’ve heard nowhere else is that it begins with a less-than thought. I am buying that logic. So, if we talk about anger, then that’s the way I will talk about it – if I admit anger, then I will admit a less-than thought, and if I act on anger, then I must admit a belief in a right to do so. One thing you said that really is insightful was at 2c “willing to be uncomfortable”. In class Joyce pointed out that no one has a right not to be inconvenienced, or a right to be free of irritation. It was funny at the time because it was so obvious and crazy to realize “Oh, but I do think I have that right”.
I got to go do other stuff. Thanks again for sharing all that. I hope you find someone to give you a hug today.
Jen: The eggs could be hatching. They will hatch this week. If you can get the crickets, great. If you need help there, let me know.
I updated the links.
David: It doesn’t appear that this document is a link in the post. I believe the computer was still logged on as you when I inserted the first file. I read a little about it and from what I gathered I may need to change a preference code? In the meantime, I discovered what you probably already know…that you can go to the Media button on the left side of the Site Admin page and see the history of inserts there.
Time for me to get ready for work. I’ll get (and order) crickets today…when do you expect the eggs to hatch? Jen