wordsworth

Jennifer: You haven’t said that Mary Jane called you. She told me that she would endeavor to do so. Nevertheless, I did sign the release permitting her to talk with you. So, you can call or email her.

Graphic model of the hormone Oxytocin

Mary Jane had a few things to say about the mammalian hormone. I think I told already a little of what she told me.
Anyway, it’s called alot of things. The bonding hormone is one.

I think Mary Jane took off on the topic of oxytocin after we began discussing simultaneous orgasm – the fireworks nature sets off to increase the likelihood of an encore. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about in therapy, and right here, right now. Not a GP rated post this. But, anyway, she didn’t tell me everything wikipedia says – it is released in birthing, and during breast-feeding. Hmmm. She did say something wikipedia does not say – it’s released when a woman talks with another woman with whom she has a bond. Mother-Daughter. Aunt-Neice. Sister-Sister. Hmmm. So, Ellen’s birth must have been a real rush! And breast-feeding did go on a long time … and there wasn’t alot of … hmpf!

You know, sometimes I really have trouble with the idea that’s central to the program at No Abuse – male priveledge. At No Abuse they’ve added an outer circle to the original Power & Control Wheel created in Duluth – a male priveledge circle. And, of course, this outer circle is absent from the Equality Wheel because there can be no equality if subsumed within a circle of male priveledge. But where is the priveledge when men die earlier than women at every stage of life? And what about that oxytocin?

Joyce Pastorek, the leader of my No Abuse class, looked me straight in the eyes week before last and said, “If you would just pull that energy inward, you would know an incredible new freedom. If you would just stop trying to set everything right, you could have that freedom.” It was a memorable moment, oxytocin or no. A new freedom. A new happiness. Where have I heard that before? 

Anyway, she insists the whole BIP comes down to Action-Intent-Belief. If I’m having a bad feeling, then it started with a bad thought. If I’m having a bad thought, then it started with a bad belief. Change the belief, change the thought. Change the thought, change the feeling.

Plutchik's 3D model of emotion

Anger starts with a less-than, or a more-than, thought. So, anger starts when I try to be your hero. Or, when you ask me to be your hero and fix something? Hmmm.

Homework this week is Blaming – Shifting responsibility for my behavior to you, Saying you caused it, Attempting to make you feel guilty, Describing the situation in a manner to convince others it’s your fault.

I am permitted to ask you to help. Got any good examples you want to share?

Are you going to get back to the injunction question? Action-Intent-Belief. What I was hoping to learn was why other options were rejected. I haven’t heard you say, for example, that you rejected relying solely on the “no contact” provisions of the criminal charge because … , that you rejected the option of returning home with a “no hostile contact” provision in the criminal or civil order because … Honestly, Mike Morris told me you wanted the injunction to go on for a year. But, now, you seem to say that isn’t what you wanted. So, look, I don’t need to know what you want. But I do want to tell you that I would like to know. And I don’t need for you to show me any courtesy. But I do have less to stumble over when you do.

Anyway, it was nice hearing from you tonight. Emotionally dependant batterers like me really appreciate contact … though not quite as much as the jolt of oxytocin that follows a good nipple nibble.

David

Ellen: Was cleaning up my hard drive last night and found a game I’d downloaded and forgotten. As I’d nothing to do but wait for someone to blog-on, I played a bit of the demo I’d downloaded. Not bad. It’s a little bit like Age of Empires except the object is to build a self-sustaining eco-system. The player creates flamingos, zebra, etc., and has to keep them fed and watered by making enough shrubbery and grass and water for them to reproduce. Anyway, you can try by going to the Venture Africa download page and getting a demo.
Tell me what you think of it.
Dadvid

Ellen: In order to make a DVD of your trip to New York you may need some software that is not on your computer – iDVD, for instance. I believe the software you need is on the iLife disk, and that should be either on one of the spindles on the filing cabinet, or in its original iLife DVD case.
The cords you need to connect the camera to your iBook should be in the cabinet, if not in the orange bag with the camera.
Good Luck,
Dad