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Posted on Friday, June 19th, 2009 at 11:24 pmJAM: Post 49, dated Thursday, June 17, 2009, last line, reads:
Will post/comment (give my opinion!) again tomorrow night.
This is easily verified by reviewing post 49.
Today is Friday, June 19, 2009, two days after the date your promised post/comment was expected.
Clearly, there must be a technical gremlin doing overtime who has removed your post/comment from our system; the post/comment you surely made, as you are a promise-keeper, has been mysteriously removed from the blog. A technical investigator has been assigned to look into the source of the difficulty. If, however, there is anything that you know that may shed light on the disappearance of the promised post/comment, please, at your convenience, of course, contact us here at WordsWorth and share your story. Thank you for allowing us to be of service to you. Sincerely David Foley, Administrator, Wordsworth.
Jen: Before I give you examples, I’d like to wait a day or two, talk with Mary Jane. Do you know the Batterer profile? Let me see if I have that handy … Here it is:
Who is the Male Batterer?
Both parties become hypervigilant. Are you familiar with that word – hypervigilant.
Anyway, the answer, I think, is “Yes, as crazy as it may seem, insisting on a backrub after an argument, was a demand for emotional reassurance.” As I’ve said elsewhere, I’ve a book that says control grows from the vulnerabilities left behind by failed intimacy – Compelled to Control. Or, control grows from secrets.
David
David: Good morning. I’m starting the day with a cup of tea and blogging to you. Going through the posts/comments from most recent…stopped here to reply. I did read through the article/links about passive and indirect aggression and understand – with your last response – that the “more responsibility” is in regards to me. Can you share an example that came to your mind (in addition to Christmas 2005) when as you read about indirect aggression, connected it to me and my behavior? Regarding anger-filled backrubs…I clearly remember the emotions…rubbing you while I was crying…the angry rub…the angry rub that quelled your anger and put you to sleep. More than once you insisted that I rub you after you got very angry, anger that was one-sided (though not necessarily unfounded) and hung in the air even after you stopped yelling…of course I’ve learned since, that I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do…that I have a choice. Just now, too, I’m wondering: could your insistence on me giving you a rub, in moments like that, been a way for you to believe things would still be ok? Were you afraid? Was the backrub “the familiar?” I remember on these occasions that I would start rubbing you really pissed off, then I would mellow a bit as I decided I didn’t want to take my anger out on you with a hurtful backrub in that ol’ passive aggressive way and it’s quite possible that I wanted to believe things would still be ok, too. Well, it’s easy to want to sit here and write all morning…but it’s already after 7 am and need to get started on my day. I hope yours is filled with less hydrilla. Jen
Jen: Would you tell me how you did that? How you added the bold David and bold Jen before you sent the Comment? I haven’t figured that out. I’ve been doing it, but only after the original comment is submitted.
Would you also tell me when the shove vs backrub thing happened. I don’t doubt it. In fact, there were several nights, last year I believe, when I’d put myself in the dog house. I just don’t remember how.
There is a big difference between indirect and passive. Indirect involves a third party. Passive does not. You do understand what passive aggression is. And your examples are correct. But if you read that article on indirect aggression, you may find that you do rely on others to add thrust to, and/or fulfill, otherwise hidden aggression.
Indirect suggests more responsibility to me because I see more conscious intent to involve a third party.
Wow. You are posting way to fast for me. David
David: Tell me more, if you would, about what you meant by the following “…the adjective suggest more responsibility to me…”
Jen
David: What came to mind immediately (without reading the links, yet) is this: passive aggression is covered up in the guise of other things…like “I’m too tired to give you a backrub.” – Truth be Told: ‘We just were in a big argument that ended in you shoving me against the wall…why would you think I want to do anything for you!’; indirect aggression…hmmm, I don’t know…indirect aggression…they seem very close to me…maybe passive is with sub-thought and indirect is with thought…I’ll check the links and see what the experts say. Jen
The phrase “indirect aggression” works better for me than “passive aggressiion”. The difference in the adjective suggests more responsibility to me. The difference is more than that. If you don’t mind, I’d like to hear from you on the difference. I’m going to read the weblinks above, but I’d like you to tell me in your own words what the difference is. If you’d rather not, just let me know.
Hello Wordworth Administrator,
No…no gremlin…no system error…just a gal who didn’t keep that promise…no good reason or excuse…nothing to avoid…just a realization that I can make promises I can’t keep…so, do I stop making them…or do I keep them? Let’s move on and find out. JT
PS: I guess I should consider that promising to post and then not posting could be that thing…oh…you know what it is…what are those words…oh yeah…passive aggressive behavior! Well, it sounds lame now to try to explain it…I wanted to post, home late…bird stuff to do…wanted to give it the right time…oh, David won’t mind…I’ll to it tomorrow…well, at the most, I should have posted that I wouldn’t be posting at length…so, I am, sorry. JT